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August 1, 2008

Adsense nonsense

Gmail has ads. Ads that read your mail - in a non-invasive way, we're promised - and having read your mail promote 'targetted' ads from information gleaned from the contents of your mail.
 
Like a pizza restaurant sending out guys to rifle through your dustbins then report back the contents to suggest new topping combinations (I say this as it can be the ONLY explanation for some of the weird shit combinations being offered these days. Lamb and pineapple? Chinese chicken?)
 
And you know what, I don't mind it. It can only offer me something useful. The add links might one day get me to click through if they happen to scratch the itch I'm emailing about. But how in the world did they offer me this as my topline banner ad?
 
Just Had A Hysterectomy? - www.SafeFoam.co.uk/Hysterectomy - Get A Hysterectomy Pillow Recover In Comfort...
 
No. No. No. No. No.
 
If you're going to rifle through my mail, then at least have the courtesy to READ it. It's a simple post operation. It's not brain surgery, you no-good wastes of womb space potential.
 
Oh. Hold on...

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Filed under  //   Adsense   Bad taste - don't read this   Gmail   Google   Humour   Spam  

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July 28, 2008

Physical enhancement spam - going to fatal lengths?

So, here's a recent piece of spam:

Touch her heart with your new babymaker.

Now, at first I was a little surprised by the, oh I don't know, sensitivity? of this ad for penis enlargement. I mean - read it, it's quite New Man really: Touch her heart with your new babymaker. You're going to come together in a joyful, romantic union to commit to that most precious of acts to create a new life.

Awwwww…

But then, reading again: Touch her heart with your new babymaker.

How fucking LONG are you making this thing that you can actually touch her heart with it!? And surely that's a fatal action? Let alone the actual lightly deadly act of prodding at a woman's heart with a ludicrously long love stick while shagging, but the amount of vital organs that must have been battered and pushed aside in the process of said behemoth babymaker making its way up there!

God, it's too horrible to consider. Don't even go there. (In so many ways!)

I apologise and leave you with cute floaty otters holding hands to take your mind off all things awful

Keep th' faith,
Dan

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Filed under  //   Advertising   Bad taste - don't read this   Bizarre   Cute otters   Humour   Marketing   Spam  

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July 13, 2008

12 seconds of fuck all?

Would you look at this: http://12seconds.tv/

Now, I don't want to be a killjoy, the grouch in the bin of 2.0, but surely, surely, SURELY this is a massive waste of bandwidth mascarading as video micro-blogging? Twitter for video? I just have my doubts about this kind of twattery. I mean - browse around the videos. It's like Seesmic but without the conversation. And Seesmic's bad enough as web-waste goes.

This really puts the 0 in web 2.0

OR...

It's excellent. Shortformidablé! 12 seconds of humanity in all it's web-cammed glory. Video Haiku. Peppy picture poetry.

So far, browsing, I have seen some amusing takes on the form - 12 second burps, 12 second songs, 12 second cum shots... No, wait. That wasn't there. Maybe it should be. Is there a rule that says I can't post up 12 seconds of porn? YouPorn condensed. Cut out the boring bits. Boom!

12 seconds. A man can get a lot done in the love department in that time. Just ask my partner.

We've gone from 12 seconds of fuck all to 12 seconds of all fuck. These guys should pay me for this kinda gold.

Keep th' faith.

Dan

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Filed under  //   12 Seconds   Bad taste - don't read this   Humour   internet   porn   Social media   Video   web  

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